I Want You To Know Something

A dream is what the heart whispers to the silence of your mind.

A dream is what the heart whispers to the silence of your mind. Keep dreaming my love. #quoteslove #Quote #heart #dream #mind #silence #love

— Wade Lancaster (@Lancaster_Wade) August 5, 2015

If you truly love someone, you will do whatever it takes for both of you to last forever. You will learn to be more patient, caring, understanding, trustworthy, faithful, forgiving and tolerant. You’ll learn to be less argumentative, doubtful and judgmental. Just trust your heart with your mind. If you want to give a real gift to anyone, give them your time, attention and importance. A loving heart doesn’t expect anything more than that.

(posted FB as a Note 7-6-14)
I wanted you to know something,
I mean really know it, more than
just allowing the words to escape
through your ears, I want you to
etch them into your bones,
write them on a board and nail
them to the chambers of your heart,
I need you to understand and feel
every single syllable I tell you,
because
this is important:

Don’t hurt me.

I don’t think I could
properly describe
to you how life ‘is’—
because how often
moments change from
quiet and chaotic to
loud and peaceful—life’s
that adventure that’s
not going to end, while we
search for love in every
corner of every human’s heart,
and I can hear the wind whispering
love me love me love me

I fell adrift, floating
through thickness like
humidity sticking to my skin,
I felt trapped in the stomach
of uncertainty, which became
the heart of misunderstanding,
my clothing drenched in hope’s
tears, how clichéd my day turns
into nights and my skeleton creaks
under the pressure of my dreams,
how long have I struggled and
how much farther do I have left to go.

(posted FB as a note 7-6-14)
If you could hear me, there are things I could tell you:
like my dreams, I was a branch and you were a bird
and you built your nest and I gave you a home, and
I was the bird and you were the worm and you wiggled
beneath my lips and you nourished my body, and
I became the worm and you were the dirt and
I gave you warmth and guidance and quenched
your thirst and then I was the dirt and you were
a child and you shaped me into pies squished
between your chubby fingers and I rested on
your cheeks until I became the child and you became
my pet and we danced in the rain and chased after
the birds and you snuggled up to me next to a fire
and we slept, and I became the pet and you were
my owner and you fed me and gave me affection
because I was loyal and then I became the owner
and you became my love and we found ourselves
in between clean sheets, damp with sweat and
stripped naked and satisfied and the sun began
to peak through our blinds and you became
the sun and I turned into the moon and we’ll
be immortalized day and night and you’ll fall
in love with me every moment and I didn’t want
to find myself in reality again, but when I woke
I realized you were still there, kept in my heart
and for now, that’s all I need until I want more
and more comes with the future and the future
will be our adventure—if you were listening,
I would tell you all this so you could understand
that I’m waiting: you’re my bird and I’m your branch.

This is about being who I am.

Sometimes the glass is simply half empty,
but most of the time it’s overflowing.

I laugh loudly and infectiously.

My writing starts in my heart,
travels to my mind, and
spills from my fingers and
if I don’t catch it in time, I’ll lose it.
I try to write as universally
as possible, but it’s always so personal.

I’m too loyal to people, wanting to give
them my last breath if it meant
they would love me unconditionally
and without fear.

I get so drained from being who I am,
from trying to be patient and understanding
and offering an ocean and
I only receive a grain of sand in return.

This is goodbye. This is what I never
imagined it to become, unmoving and
mute and you faded as if you were
only a passing part of my imagination.
I can’t let you be alive in my fantasies
of what if’s and almosts anymore.
I’ve held on much longer than I
would have allowed me—but I did,
because I wanted you to find your
way back home, and there’s a chance
you did, but it was some others arms
you sought after or you found the
warmth of the earth that brought you
away and I’ll possibly never know-
but this, my darling, is goodbye.

I remember the struggle to find
my footing on this polluted earth,
in my attempt to find knowledge —
I never needed to understand
the situation, but I needed to
find closure, they never
considered to give me that,
there always seemed to be a
deafness that pressed against
my ears filled with fear-
it became inevitable like a
time bomb, like skinned knees and
bruised elbows, like broken hearts,
I’ve only found solace at midnight
when the world gets quieter and
softer and I’m closer to falling
into sleeping dreams of my
imagination at its best where
my hope hasn’t suffered and
everything seems attainable yet.
I wake up wondering if I’m meant
for another life—because this process
has been far too hard on my skeleton
and it’s my soul that’s starting to fade.

I like you and that scares me
but I couldn’t even begin to explain
why. The earth moves to the ticking
of a clock, or perhaps
it’s that the clock ticks
because the earth moves-
but in my world, timing
proves to be important.
And if I tried to explain
why I chose you, instead of you,
and then there was another
her, but both of them bowed out
in a way that brought me
to my knees as my ears
became deaf without understanding.
I don’t know if I can hear
a difference in the sound of my heart
or the sound of my thoughts, because
both are screaming at me, and both
are trying to find stability after
the chaos. I want to be found
and I want my world to be turned
upside down and inside out—

I wanted to ask you for your permission.
I’ve knocked on this door too many times
before, each time it showed up a different
color or texture, each time opening up to
a different object, but each time I always
found my heart pinned to whatever I opened
the door to: and I didn’t want to knock
again, I couldn’t bear the thought
of finding my heart in that condition.
The further I’ve walked, I started to notice
hesitation growing along my paths and when
the sun dipped behind the horizon, this
hesitation glowed, as if it was telling
me where to go, and I didn’t want to follow
it but it’s where my feet carried me,
I felt like I was a prisoner, shackled
to the inevitability of uncertainty and
fear of rejection and commitment mixed
in a solution of desire. I have no idea
what I’m doing anymore, or where I’m going,
or how to find my way back. How many times
have I lent my trust to the wrong set
of hands, only for it to be thrown
back in my face like a dirty rag. Am I
making any sense or am I standing out
in desolation alone? I don’t want to find
my destination without you, I want my
journey to be with you. So am I just afraid
or am I trying to convince myself that
what I see in you is what I’ve desired?
What’s the risk?

Most of the time,
you have to wait for the clouds to pass overhead.
the sun has been waiting to touch your cheeks,
with it’s warmth.
It’s to remind you,
that darkness couldn’t exist without light
It is merely the absence of light,
and the light will touch everything you allow it to.
It’s similar with the way mother nature operates…
the earth needs rainy days to blossom.
We need bad days to cherish the good ones.
Life always feels extra sweeter after a couple of bad days.

I need you to understand who I am.
There’s this darkness you sometimes
see, the insecure, hurting, unsure
boy who seems desperate and pitiful.

That’s not me. If you knew me, you’d
know that on a daily basis, that the
atmosphere around me is vibrate
and happy. I know my worth,
I know how much I have to offer
to anyone who crosses my path
and just how much I would give
up for absolutely anyone who
asked for it, I’m completely
content being me, I love
living on my own, I’m independent
and dependable, I love who I am,
what I stand for, what I believe,
and what I expect out of life.

But I also know there is something
more, something that I’m missing.
This something is my purpose in life,
it is what will make my life feel
whole and give me purpose and meaning.
My mother told me that she believes
that I won’t truly become who I was
meant to be until I become a husband and
a father, and I completely agree, since
my mother knows me best. I’ve always
felt that is what defines me as a human
on this earth, the love I have to offer,
the home I want to offer.

I’m always going to want that, desire that,
crave that, expect that to happen.
I know the clichéd lines that everyone
tells me in attempt to reassure me, especially
“when you least expect it…” but when I start
to “least expect it” I expect it even more.
It’s a constant battle.

What hurts so unbearably right now, is that
she asked me to put my guard down, she requested
that I give her a fair chance and I did
and I feel like she took advantage of that.
She made me a promise and she broke it. I would
rather her break my heart with her words
than with silence. I don’t think I deserve that.
None of it makes any sense to me.

So you get to see the shit stain I feel like
when something like this happens because
I have no other place to lay down these
awful emotions that scrape on the insides
of my chest. I’m just hurting –
but if I can get over the disappearance… Just like
I got over all the
others who decided I wasn’t enough.

I get to feel like shit. I get to feel
worthless today and I get to feel unbeautiful.
It just means that when I feel worthy and beautiful
and full of glitter, it’ll be sweeter than
feeling like that every day.
With someone who apreciates me, who truly loves me.

Stop overthinking, you are only creating problems that are not there.
#mind #emotions

When someone really cares about you they make an effort not an excuse.
When someone treats you like an option, help them narrow their choices by removing yourself from the equation. It is that simple — Robert Tew

I Don’t Want To Be Alone


Now Comes The Night ~ Rob Thomas

26 months have passed us by and we are still alone.

Let us hold on to each other until the end of our days. I love you, my one true love.

Overwhelmed

I have not posted much here on my website. I have concentrated more on other social media sites like Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram and WordPress.

It has overwhelmed me in the past month, perhaps a little longer, with the number of emails in my Gmail, Yahoo IM, Twitter DM and many others. You see, I am virtually over extended.

I have as of today 26,078 Gmail emails un-read! So if I have not replied to your email I must apologize. In fact, I may have to just delete them all just to keep some sense of sanity. And for that I would be truly sorry. Therefore, if you have my phone number please SMS (text) me.

There are 281 un-read DM in Twitter. Yet I am having extreme issues with Twitter. After sending 23 request to support, a nice person finally responded that I needed to “UN-LOCK” my account. My concern was not at that time DM but not being able to respond to follower request. I had locked my Twitter some time back because of all those DAMN “Buy Twitter Followers” , BOTs and Nude, nude profile users and people who are only interested in getting you to follow them assholes. in addition to, someone who means the world to me, did not quite understand how Twitter works. And these Nude Boobs people who followed me were causing some middle of the night text that made waking up each day painful. so I unlocked Twitter. The issue that still remains is I have notification about all these direct Messages, however, I can not see any. Not happy about that. So if you have DM me on Twitter, I again apologize that I have not replied to your message.

I would like to connect with you. A few people in particular I would like to have a conversation with that is not public. Someone definitely I would love to have a conversation with, privately :-) — Hope we can find the time to talk.

Some of you may know MY LOVE for flowers. Therefore I hope to become more active in Instagram and post the 7,000 + photos I have of them. I am very much into photography.

In closing, please text me! You know I miss you. If only we could talk on the phone, that would be a blessing indeed.

Rock, Paper, Scissors, Computer, Cut, and Paste

A couple months ago I lost all of my passwords. We all have many different accounts, passwords protect (really?) unauthorized
access to these for us. Nevertheless, passwords sometimes lock even us out, when we can not remember it. So like most, I kept
mine securely (LOL) stored on a computer. Granted it may seem rather idiotic to keep passwords stored on a PC. With virus’s and
hackers everyday attempting to steal everything we have, I did place some protective process in place.
In this unfortunate event that preceded, my protection was to delete the file if in fact someone made and attempt to steal or
compromise the file. What this person did was add;

ANOTHEr pOSSable PW – Iwant4more@Life

to my file.
How strange! Upper and lower case letters in the directive leading toward what a password could be. That is all I was left
with… A complete loss of access to the important and perhaps unimportant email and sites I use.
To make matters worse the program that protected that computer found and blocked some cockroaches iPhone that had or was
attempting to access my PC. I am intelligent in the field of security and information systems. I have been in the computer
science geek mantra since before Al Gore invented the internet (didn’t he know everyone knew he did not?).

What The Hell

For years it was thought… Do Not write down passwords, on paper, else someone may find them and compromise your accounts. Yet,
had I written them I would not have lost access. Yes, paper is reliable unless there is a fire or you placed it in direct
sunlight for so long the ink faded. Or better if only I had used a chisel and engraved it in stone. Now that would have lasted
until some archeological dig unearthed it a thousand years from now. And if I had suspected the NSA was coming I could use
scissors and cut that sheet of paper up right?

I have gained access to this blog. However, I had to go through some grilling questions over the phone to have my password
reset, might I add, to be sent to an email account I did not have a password to get into to retrieve the link to reset my
password. so… I had to go through addition endeavors to have it too reset. Sigh. A rather long and loud sigh may I add.

This post will be posted to places that I still do not have access to. And maybe, just maybe, one of my readers may click the
link to read why I have been AWOL for so long. Oh my! I hope that just un-follow thing was adding, un-following, blocking and
maintaining that Twitter thing. After the whirlwind of being un-followed, unfriended, blocked and hurt, deeply, by all that
childish nonsense associated with FB and others, I deleted many of these hurtful social media sites. (how much is a person
suppose to take?) I had to lock my account sometime back to prevent these sellers of followers and rouge link promoters away.
And these barely clothed photo people that caused me tremendous heartache, waking so many days to text about followers, when it
was not understood how Twitter worked… locking it almost ended these middle of the night messages.

I am going back to paper. Paper makes me happy. I have utilized my away from the virtual time to dedicate writing my novel.

Three-thousand or more words a day dedication. Edit and erasing, using a real pencil and eraser has given my hands a long over-
due work-out. My penmanship has improved. Writing gives me pleasure. I have penned successfully, after revisions and edits 32,
168 words in my book. I am thinking now it may have to be two or more books, since my story has not even come full circle yet.
My mind, heart, and emotions have been on a perpetual roller-coaster for a long time. But actually, there is some good from
being hurt over and again. It gives me more to write, deeper thoughts, on how someone can take a love so deep and meaningful as
an option.

Looking Into The Mirror… As The Story Unfolds… was (and still is) so very meaningful for me. I wrote this many times. It’s
foundation is about a never ending story of true love, immeasurably deep friendship, and the lasting beauty of two, whose love is
so deep, meaningful, and true. I miss my best friend. Holding the key to my heart, key to the abode, I can only hope to see the
face of the most beautiful woman I have ever seen soon.
Tiny steps in the right direction… …together.

Coming Soon – 2014; A Year In Review

WHEN I’M GONE

At the end of 2013 I had developed a plan for the coming year, this year, 2014. Looking back we can see that post from 2013; A year In Review.

Therefore coming soon I shall once again post about this year. It has been such a pivotal, monumental and enlightening experience. I have given such deep thoughts into what transpired, what was gained, and what was lost. I am certain without any doubts I will write a book from the events of 2014.

From my mind to the keyboard… the world will read about “The Life and Times” of this year, 2014. The whole story will be filled with truths, real people and places. Convoluted events and loss. Self realizations and understanding. At once I can say I understand, Love, Peace, Happiness and Sharing in a relationship will only work when both work together.

We should always be thankful for the wonderful things we share together.

A Virtual Truth

The virtual world always tells the truth. It exposes a liar, and makes light to the words told or written. There is always someone, something, somewhere who revels truth. Make no mistake about it… as long as you continue to be in a virtual reality, you must always be honest. Say what you say, but also know when you lie, something will tell a story contrary, more truthful. Surly other people will tell their own version. However, when evidence tells a story, based in facts, pictures, post and walls expose the reality based in a real world of knowledge. Lock that wall down, try to protect or hide, make any attempt to keep secret… but some things can never be hidden… from the eyes of virtual seekers. Honesty is always the truth. Lies only conclude a liar is always a liar and until one stops… there is no hope for peace and happiness between us.

From My Mind To The Keyboard

A picture can paint a thousand words. My words can paint a thousand pictures.

If you could look into my mind one will see a sea of tranquility. It is not always chaos, even though there are an ocean of thought swimming around inside. Emotions are but a small part of the fish within my sea. Yes, there are predators lurking within. Sometimes I have to protect myself with the harpoon of truth. Yet in the vastness of my universe, and the many creatures that attempt to control my world, I am always able to be the Poseidon.
When we sort through the thoughts, and are able to draw our bow back, we will at once shoot the arrow of thinking into the target. But even the best of archers must practice. Always we try to choose the straightest of arrows, one whose fletching is attached by the best of glue. And a point that was sharpened by the most skillful of smiths. Sometimes I fail to hit my target. And even with the best of aim, the steadiest of hand and arms, the truest of eye, the wind may cause my arrow to fly into the forest.
Let not nature or the laws of convoluted thinking control what we can dream. Even when someone says you cannot do a certain thing, stand up and say contrary. As writers, we have the power to craft our thoughts into words. And words can speak volumes if only a single sentence. Become the blacksmith and create the tools to build your house of literature. Discover new fish in the sea of thoughts. We can never discover what we do not seek. From your mind to the keyboard, or by pen if you prefer, write.

From The Life And Times Of Wade Lancaster

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