A dream is what the heart whispers to the silence of your mind.
— Wade Lancaster (@Lancaster_Wade) August 5, 2015
If you truly love someone, you will do whatever it takes for both of you to last forever. You will learn to be more patient, caring, understanding, trustworthy, faithful, forgiving and tolerant. You’ll learn to be less argumentative, doubtful and judgmental. Just trust your heart with your mind. If you want to give a real gift to anyone, give them your time, attention and importance. A loving heart doesn’t expect anything more than that.
(posted FB as a Note 7-6-14)
I wanted you to know something,
I mean really know it, more than
just allowing the words to escape
through your ears, I want you to
etch them into your bones,
write them on a board and nail
them to the chambers of your heart,
I need you to understand and feel
every single syllable I tell you,
this is important:
Don’t hurt me.
I don’t think I could
to you how life ‘is’—
because how often
moments change from
quiet and chaotic to
loud and peaceful—life’s
that adventure that’s
not going to end, while we
search for love in every
corner of every human’s heart,
and I can hear the wind whispering
love me love me love me
I fell adrift, floating
through thickness like
humidity sticking to my skin,
I felt trapped in the stomach
of uncertainty, which became
the heart of misunderstanding,
my clothing drenched in hope’s
tears, how clichéd my day turns
into nights and my skeleton creaks
under the pressure of my dreams,
how long have I struggled and
how much farther do I have left to go.
(posted FB as a note 7-6-14)
If you could hear me, there are things I could tell you:
like my dreams, I was a branch and you were a bird
and you built your nest and I gave you a home, and
I was the bird and you were the worm and you wiggled
beneath my lips and you nourished my body, and
I became the worm and you were the dirt and
I gave you warmth and guidance and quenched
your thirst and then I was the dirt and you were
a child and you shaped me into pies squished
between your chubby fingers and I rested on
your cheeks until I became the child and you became
my pet and we danced in the rain and chased after
the birds and you snuggled up to me next to a fire
and we slept, and I became the pet and you were
my owner and you fed me and gave me affection
because I was loyal and then I became the owner
and you became my love and we found ourselves
in between clean sheets, damp with sweat and
stripped naked and satisfied and the sun began
to peak through our blinds and you became
the sun and I turned into the moon and we’ll
be immortalized day and night and you’ll fall
in love with me every moment and I didn’t want
to find myself in reality again, but when I woke
I realized you were still there, kept in my heart
and for now, that’s all I need until I want more
and more comes with the future and the future
will be our adventure—if you were listening,
I would tell you all this so you could understand
that I’m waiting: you’re my bird and I’m your branch.
This is about being who I am.
Sometimes the glass is simply half empty,
but most of the time it’s overflowing.
I laugh loudly and infectiously.
My writing starts in my heart,
travels to my mind, and
spills from my fingers and
if I don’t catch it in time, I’ll lose it.
I try to write as universally
as possible, but it’s always so personal.
I’m too loyal to people, wanting to give
them my last breath if it meant
they would love me unconditionally
and without fear.
I get so drained from being who I am,
from trying to be patient and understanding
and offering an ocean and
I only receive a grain of sand in return.
This is goodbye. This is what I never
imagined it to become, unmoving and
mute and you faded as if you were
only a passing part of my imagination.
I can’t let you be alive in my fantasies
of what if’s and almosts anymore.
I’ve held on much longer than I
would have allowed me—but I did,
because I wanted you to find your
way back home, and there’s a chance
you did, but it was some others arms
you sought after or you found the
warmth of the earth that brought you
away and I’ll possibly never know-
but this, my darling, is goodbye.
I remember the struggle to find
my footing on this polluted earth,
in my attempt to find knowledge —
I never needed to understand
the situation, but I needed to
find closure, they never
considered to give me that,
there always seemed to be a
deafness that pressed against
my ears filled with fear-
it became inevitable like a
time bomb, like skinned knees and
bruised elbows, like broken hearts,
I’ve only found solace at midnight
when the world gets quieter and
softer and I’m closer to falling
into sleeping dreams of my
imagination at its best where
my hope hasn’t suffered and
everything seems attainable yet.
I wake up wondering if I’m meant
for another life—because this process
has been far too hard on my skeleton
and it’s my soul that’s starting to fade.
I like you and that scares me
but I couldn’t even begin to explain
why. The earth moves to the ticking
of a clock, or perhaps
it’s that the clock ticks
because the earth moves-
but in my world, timing
proves to be important.
And if I tried to explain
why I chose you, instead of you,
and then there was another
her, but both of them bowed out
in a way that brought me
to my knees as my ears
became deaf without understanding.
I don’t know if I can hear
a difference in the sound of my heart
or the sound of my thoughts, because
both are screaming at me, and both
are trying to find stability after
the chaos. I want to be found
and I want my world to be turned
upside down and inside out—
I wanted to ask you for your permission.
I’ve knocked on this door too many times
before, each time it showed up a different
color or texture, each time opening up to
a different object, but each time I always
found my heart pinned to whatever I opened
the door to: and I didn’t want to knock
again, I couldn’t bear the thought
of finding my heart in that condition.
The further I’ve walked, I started to notice
hesitation growing along my paths and when
the sun dipped behind the horizon, this
hesitation glowed, as if it was telling
me where to go, and I didn’t want to follow
it but it’s where my feet carried me,
I felt like I was a prisoner, shackled
to the inevitability of uncertainty and
fear of rejection and commitment mixed
in a solution of desire. I have no idea
what I’m doing anymore, or where I’m going,
or how to find my way back. How many times
have I lent my trust to the wrong set
of hands, only for it to be thrown
back in my face like a dirty rag. Am I
making any sense or am I standing out
in desolation alone? I don’t want to find
my destination without you, I want my
journey to be with you. So am I just afraid
or am I trying to convince myself that
what I see in you is what I’ve desired?
What’s the risk?
Most of the time,
you have to wait for the clouds to pass overhead.
the sun has been waiting to touch your cheeks,
with it’s warmth.
It’s to remind you,
that darkness couldn’t exist without light
It is merely the absence of light,
and the light will touch everything you allow it to.
It’s similar with the way mother nature operates…
the earth needs rainy days to blossom.
We need bad days to cherish the good ones.
Life always feels extra sweeter after a couple of bad days.
I need you to understand who I am.
There’s this darkness you sometimes
see, the insecure, hurting, unsure
boy who seems desperate and pitiful.
That’s not me. If you knew me, you’d
know that on a daily basis, that the
atmosphere around me is vibrate
and happy. I know my worth,
I know how much I have to offer
to anyone who crosses my path
and just how much I would give
up for absolutely anyone who
asked for it, I’m completely
content being me, I love
living on my own, I’m independent
and dependable, I love who I am,
what I stand for, what I believe,
and what I expect out of life.
But I also know there is something
more, something that I’m missing.
This something is my purpose in life,
it is what will make my life feel
whole and give me purpose and meaning.
My mother told me that she believes
that I won’t truly become who I was
meant to be until I become a husband and
a father, and I completely agree, since
my mother knows me best. I’ve always
felt that is what defines me as a human
on this earth, the love I have to offer,
the home I want to offer.
I’m always going to want that, desire that,
crave that, expect that to happen.
I know the clichéd lines that everyone
tells me in attempt to reassure me, especially
“when you least expect it…” but when I start
to “least expect it” I expect it even more.
It’s a constant battle.
What hurts so unbearably right now, is that
she asked me to put my guard down, she requested
that I give her a fair chance and I did
and I feel like she took advantage of that.
She made me a promise and she broke it. I would
rather her break my heart with her words
than with silence. I don’t think I deserve that.
None of it makes any sense to me.
So you get to see the shit stain I feel like
when something like this happens because
I have no other place to lay down these
awful emotions that scrape on the insides
of my chest. I’m just hurting –
but if I can get over the disappearance… Just like
I got over all the
others who decided I wasn’t enough.
I get to feel like shit. I get to feel
worthless today and I get to feel unbeautiful.
It just means that when I feel worthy and beautiful
and full of glitter, it’ll be sweeter than
feeling like that every day.
With someone who apreciates me, who truly loves me.
Stop overthinking, you are only creating problems that are not there.
When someone really cares about you they make an effort not an excuse.
When someone treats you like an option, help them narrow their choices by removing yourself from the equation. It is that simple — Robert Tew